Your relationship has ended, now what do you do? Regardless of the reason for why the relationship ended, there are some clear cut steps that you can follow that will increase the chances of getting back together with your now ex.

Some of these steps may be easier than others, but I feel that the combination of steps can be of real help to you. I don’t think that it matters whether you were the one that ended the relationship or not.

Here are the steps:

1. Ignore your ex.

Yes, I know, easier said than done. They’ve been such a significant part of your life for a while, and now you have to put them aside and just pretend like they don’t exist. Seriously, this is probably the most important step. Why? People want what they can’t have. This may increase their desire to be with you just on its own.

2. Focus on yourself

This is not selfish. Obviously, if you have kids, take care of your kids, but you should dedicate a lot of time to yourself. Do the things that you’ve been wanting to do that perhaps you couldn’t or wouldn’t do as a couple. Go to the gym, take that salsa class that you’ve been wanting to take, train to run a 5k, or a marathon. Just do something for yourself.

3. When you’re happy with yourself, make contact

Once you’re happy with being you, as an individual, as your own entity, then and only then should you try to make contact with your ex. Preferably, with a phone call. You have to have a plan for the phone call, and for that, I suggest you look at this article for help with coming up with a plan for the phone call.

4. Make sure that you forgive and forget

This is a very important point. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot try to get back with your ex unless you have a clean slate. Without a clean slate, there is no point in trying to get back together with your ex.

5. Make sure you’re not acting out of obligation or guilt.

Look, we all do some things that we may not be proud of. However, make sure that you’re not trying to get back together with your ex for the sole reason of mending a wrong. You can mend that without reigniting a romantic relationship with them. Don’t let them try to brow beat you into getting back together with them because they feel like you should rescue them either.

6. Encourage them, don’t smother them

If you can’t get back with your ex for whatever reason, then you can at least encourage them to be their own person as well. Tell them that you’re happy for them, and then you get back on with your life. DO NOT stalk them. DO NOT try to “make them see” anything. Stalking them is a very bad idea and you certainly can’t make them see anything that they don’t want to see.

7. Be smart about how you approach them back

You need to have a strategic plan of action to guide you in your quest to get back with your ex. You won’t get anywhere without a plan. Think through what your objectives are. Seriously consider the answer to the question of “why.” Meaning, “why do you want them back?”

That’s the crux of the relationship equation.

So now you have an idea about what to do, but what are the steps to help get you there? Rafael has teamed up with TW Jackson to offer you T Dub’s book called The Magic of Making Up. You can download the book at http://www.relationshipequation.com/