Just for the record, I’m a fan of the singer named Fergie. I know, it’s probably not a good thing to admit to, but it’s true. I’m a fan of hers. This wasn’t always the case though. She gets so much airplay on the radio that it’s hard to not listen to her songs. One day, on my way to work, I listened, and I mean, I really listened to her “Big girls don’t cry” song. This song hit at the crux of something that got me thinking about how relationships end, and why they end.

Relationships end for many reasons. Could be because of infidelity, could be people just stop talking, and they lose interest in each other. Maybe one person moves away, or maybe the relationship wasn’t as serious as one person thought it was to begin with. The point being, there could be a myriad of reasons for why a relationship ends.

The thing to remember is that it’s not always over when it’s over.

I’m reminded of an episode from a popular TV show of the 1990s. Some of the characters in the show were talking about the first split and how “it doesn’t take.” This may be the case in your situation. Your first split, may not take.

Even if it’s more than the first time you’ve broken up there are things that you need to do if you want to try and rekindle your relationship. The following points are taken from http://www.relationshipequation.com.

1. After the breakup, focus on you and not your ex. Don’t stalk your ex or try to control them in any way. In that Fergie song, this is brought up in the line: “Myself and I have got some figuring out to do.”

2. Get on with your life, no one likes a clinger and a whiner. To paraphrase the song, don’t miss your ex like a child misses a blanket. Seriously, move along with your life.

3. Do the things that you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t waste your time wishing that you could do things with your ex. Don’t think that you now can’t do something just because you and your ex used to do something together, or talked about doing. Just go out and do it.

4. Date other people and don’t get jealous if your ex does the same thing. This is an important thing in determining whether you really want your ex back or not. Of course, don’t spend your time comparing your new date with your ex, but you should definitely test the waters and see what else is available.

When the time comes, you can approach your ex, but from a position of power, instead of as a supplicant. When you reach that moment, you’ll need a plan of action. You’ll need to understand the relationship equation.

This song is about love lost, but not forgotten. This song, is being about things just not working out for a couple, for now. I feel like there is hope for the future in this song, regardless of whether they end up back together or not.

So now you have an idea about what to do, but what are the steps to help get you there? Rafael has teamed up with TW Jackson to offer you T Dub’s book called The Magic of Making Up. You can download the book at http://www.relationshipequation.com/